isolation; comfort

First blog written in bed. Yay for the iPod Touch.
I'm lying here, completely seperated from everybody who lurks within the many rooms of this house. And I feel so good to have a room that I can escape to. Mostly because the people in this house drive me up the wall. I look forward to college more and more everyday. And, as long as I can stay in touch with my friends, the people who truly know me and honestly understand me better than either of my parents, why would I ever want to leave my haven of solace? Of comfort? Of complete bliss through isolation.

Such a place for me is quite lovely. :)

tough

Song of The Day: Let Go by Waking Ashland



It's tough to see a house burn alive, nothing to stop the flames from getting higher. It's tough to see somebody struggle through a project, knowing that nothing you say is really going to change anything. It's tough to see another human completely break down and knowing that anything you say only makes it harder for them to move on.

I sit here and wonder why anybody would want the world. It's cold; it's harsh.

Welcome to reality. It sucks.

this is my curse

Song of the Day: My Curse by Killswitch Engage



It's a metal/screamo song, but I like that kinda stuff every now and then. The song has some sick power chords that I can't help but headbanging when I hear them. I love the lyrics more than anything, though.

The song basically screams out "There is love."

And it's true. You're never alone in this world. There is always going to be somebody for you, somebody who listens, somebody who shares your problems, someone to help you get through your troubles, someone to offer stable ground to stand on. I used to think that God was always there. But, again, that is for later.

Again, I repeat, I take extreme satisfaction in making others happy. I always try to help.

Maybe that is my curse...

baby, we belong alone

So, if you readers didn't know already, I am constantly changing my taste in music. As of now, I have hit a huge bump in my hardcore phase and have switched to a more pop-punk genre. That being said, I recently downloaded The Cab's "Whisper War."



I just finished listening to the full album about five minutes ago and I was very surprised at how much I fully appreciated every single song on the album. The Cab has a very bouncy pop feeling, yet their instrumentals create a certain punk atmosphere as well. They reminded me a lot of All Time Low, another one of my favorite bands.

One of my favorite songs on the album is titled "That 70s Song."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VACwU-D2TSY

New music to end the week---makes me just the slightest bit happier. :)

resonance

Over the years, I have found that I get a deep, resonating, joyful, satisfying feeling making others smile. It's almost as if you've taken the problems that the world has placed upon them and shrugged them off. The rest of the world disappears when you make somebody smile. It's a reason to stay alive. Without anybody else, who would make you smile?

Communication is definitely the key; you are never on your own.

wide awake

It's 2 a.m.

I can't fall asleep.

I'm waist deep in thought about the future and what it holds in store for me and my friends. It's strange for me to think about college. I'm so used to the casual day-by-day schedule here in Kingwood; it scares me to think of what life will be like outside the walls to my room. Outside the livable forest in which I grew up. Is it so hard to say that?

99 percent of seniors claim they cannot wait to graduate, myself included. But, in all honesty, I never want the day to come. Change isn't something I take kindly to and I'm not at all used to adapting to new environments quickly.

Maybe that's why I'm so determined to push a fellow friend to go to Texas State with me. I need some familiarity in my life to survive. I won't make it through college by myself. I hardly made it through the four painful years of high school, let alone four more years in a university.

gahhhhh. on a side note.

Is it wrong to say I love my friends more than my family? My family claims they've always been there for me yet I don't talk to them at all. My mom complains about my isolation in this house. I come home, I grab something to snack on, I climb the stairs and I am gone until dinner. I am a ghost in this house, some might say. I always talk about how annoying my family can get, so is it really so wrong to say that I don't trust them as much? To say that I love my friends because they've been there for me to talk to. Sure, my family's been there, but they would strike me down for some of the stuff I've endured. Whereas, my friends overlook my struggles, give me a hug and some words and move on.

My parents don't even know I've contemplated suicide. Twice.
Whatever...

I miss you, Em. Come home soon. :)

"tonight is the night...

...this night it would happen, had to happen. Just as it had happened before. Just as it would happen again, and again."

I'm obsessed with Dexter. If you didn't know that, then you don't know me.

After a wonderful day of doing absolutely nothing in any of my classes (minus onepointfive hours of The Dark Knight and more Mad Hatter stuff for Chuter), Emily and I went to Half Price Books to browse.

I (after many attempts to nab it from a library) finally found the first book in the Dexter series.



So far, it loosely corresponds with the TV series' first season. I love comparing the two. I think it's so unique to see how much more goes through Dexter's mind in the book. After all, Lindsay has so much more time to explain everything Dexter is feeling whereas the producers who make the TV show have roughly under an hour.

The quote above is one of my favorite quotes that Dexter uses both in the novel AND in the TV show. It underlines everything that Dexter hides under his mask that he wears so cleverly.

After all, Dexter Morgan is a (serial killer) blood spatter analysis. Blood is only (his life) his job. :)

And who couldn't love that face?



(Awesome) Emily also bought me a new book: score! (NEW BOOKS=YES)

It's called...



and although I haven't started reading it yet (and probably won't until I finish my TWO new books, now) it does seem very interesting from the back cover's description.

I can't remember the last time I was so excited about reading, learning, growing.

friendship

I has so many. And I love them all. :)

six of diamonds

I think it's funny how much we change over the years. Our interests, our tastes in music, our hobbies and extracurriculars, etc. It's just unique to see the way humans develop during their lifetime.

For example, today I thought it would be fun to see if I could still manipulate a deck of cards as well as I could my freshman year. Not only did I drop half the deck on the ground the first time I tried to shuffle, but I also couldn't remember hardly any of my card tricks that I could once pull off so magnificently. And, card tricks were like, ALL I did my freshman year. But now, that part of me has "poof"ed; vanished. Been replaced by the want to learn drums and, strangely enough, a new desire to read books (which has never been my strong suit).

I am currently reading a book called "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller.



The subheader claims that the book is "nonreligious thoughts on christian spirituality," which I only find really interesting because I have recently found myself losing a connecting relationship to Christ.

That, however, is a different story for a different time.

I find the book very interesting so far and I am only within the second chapter. The book is loaded with figurative language and it keeps me really engaged. Em has such good taste in books, I suppose. She knows just what book suits me. :)

* * *

In other news, I am pondering whether or not to perform at Fuel. No, I do not know how to play a ukelele/acoustic guitar, but I figured that I could perform my stand-up comedy routine there since I am now unable to do Mustang Men.

Just a thought.

the perks of being a wallflower

is a book that Emily let me read over this past weekend. It was a very quick read, not to mention a very great book.



The book is about this freshman in high school named Charlie. The book is essentially a bunch of letters that Charlie writes to his anonymous pen pal. The book never reveals who his pen pal is, but that's not important. Throughout the letters that Charlie writes, he explains the life he has been going through. The things he notices and the feelings he understands. The thing I liked the most about the book was the very unusual way Charlie talked. He had a very unique way of describing things that made the book so much more fun to read. My favorite quote in the book is when Charlie describes the feeling he gets when he is driving down a road with his two best friends, music blaring. He says...



When I look over that line, I just think it's a very nifty way to describe such a happy feeling. I would recommend this book to anybody; it really is a great read.

And a big thank you to Emily for lending it to me. :)

the scale is tipping

I think that there should be a balance between the love you have for an individual and the love you share with your friends. One should be able to willingly dedicate time to one's relationship with their partner as well as their friends.

As immature as I may seem right now, I feel my "best friend" has recently not been there for me. If my friend is ever free from the clutches of his busy schedule, he is either dedicating MORE time to Theatre, which consumes him enough during the day, or he is off spending time with his girlfriend. I can't even remember the last time I've enjoyed a conversation with him. Because of this lack of a connection, I have grown more stubborn and definitely more immature about everything that involves the two of us. Even just talking to him, my mood has already switched from whatever it was preceding the conversation to disappointed.

And I feel bad, don't get me wrong. After all, he is probably enjoying life much more than before with a stable relationship. With a girl who shares his dreams. With a girl who loves the way he is. With a girl he can safely say he loves back.

Maybe jealousy was a good topic to talk about...